ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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