i wish my penis had a tongue
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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