You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
