You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
