Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
