If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
