Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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