You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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