There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
