her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
