I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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