my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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