I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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