i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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