hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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