If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
