My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
