how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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