Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
