My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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