dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
