I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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