I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was CRYING into my vagina
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
