Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize