he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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