i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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