did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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