Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
