I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
