Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
