so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
