you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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