Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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