everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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