drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
