Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
