haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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