This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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