pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
