do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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