I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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