I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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