there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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