i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i out mim tonsoeep
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