He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
