y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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