I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
