Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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