I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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