I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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