Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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