There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
