she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
