1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
