Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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