since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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