you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
