I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
