:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
