there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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