I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
