I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
