I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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