Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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