i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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