the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
