I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
