If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
