Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize