Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
