Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
