Welp...herpes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize