hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
