i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
