If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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