you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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