he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
