oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
