Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
