There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
