Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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